You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
