I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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