i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's blow job season.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
