You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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