On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
