Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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