How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
