Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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