yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
