the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
