I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
God I need to hump something, right now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
