She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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