why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
