I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
