So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
