I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
