i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
