It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
