And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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