ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You dont lie about slip and slides
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
