she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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