Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
