I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
