Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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