dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
