Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
