he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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