he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
