The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
