I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
