we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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