sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
