It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
