I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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