I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
