My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Couch. On fire.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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