I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
