Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
