two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
so much tequila, so little girl.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
