Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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