I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
