I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
