Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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