Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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