Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
