When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
