what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
