Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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