I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
50% drunk capacity currently
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
