no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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