I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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