i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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