I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
