if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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