By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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