i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
