your thong is hanging out like whoa
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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