did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
