hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
my liver is dry heaving
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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